Ah, yes. Today is the day that some celebrate, specifically people with stock in greeting card companies. You know things are off to a great start when your parents get you a Twilight themed card. Let me rephrase that, things are off to a very single start. I might indulge in purchasing discount flowers tomorrow though. I spent the day with my favorite single girl, Sally. We browsed the dating website, we discussed our dating website strange conversations, and overall had a great time. There was chocolate involved, and Starbucks. The fundraiser is coming up this week. There is a small part of me that hopes some single attractive guy will be there because I have quite the dress to wear. It’s always nice to dress up when you feel like someone is looking.
Cynical journalist has faded into the background. This may be the last time I mention him. I did send him one more message, but still have not heard a thing back. He still looks at my dating profile. I don’t get it, and I cannot explain it. I put a new addition to my profile explaining – “Please do not be intimidated by the fact that I'm ambitious, or that I'm a "good girl". Most likely, I'd really like to talk to you. If you send me a couple of messages, and we seem to be getting along - ask me out already (if you live in the vicinity). I'm on this site for a reason.” Yeah, that was pretty much aimed at cynical journalist. You think he’ll read it? I’m sure he won’t ask me to go out for coffee.
This has lead to a whole different realm of problems. Lots, and I mean lots, of people are starting to send me messages. Now I feel obligated to respond because I stated I was nice. The last thing I need is another 1 star rating from someone who felt irritated by my lack of response. Two people in one night stated they wanted to meet me. One was a 32 year old from Chicago – Chicago guy. He knows about the blog – hi there! See, I didn’t use your screen name. The other is someone that messaged me before. This is Radio Shack guy. He claims he is in college, and he is not. He claims he likes theatre, and he can’t name a show. I don’t know why these people just lie through these conversations and in their profiles. I am a lie detector master. I’m also resourceful, and with that even Sally is impressed. I figured out that this law guy that I’ve been talking to here or there went to college with her. Yeah, I’m that good. Radio Shack guy wants to meet me for coffee. Maybe it is good experience. This will never go anywhere. He just sent me a message as I type this saying he forgot my first name. I’m shaking my head while saying “oy vey”.
I think the type of guy I’m attracted to and the type of people who are attracted to me are not the same. The people whose profiles I become fascinated with tend to look like hipsters, or just plain hippies for that matter. They usually have a picture holding some kind of musical instrument. They have a laundry list of interesting books they have read. They all listen to the same indie rock bands, especially Radiohead. Their profile is littered with ironic and sarcastic statements. They appreciate philosophy, would probably attend a protest, and ride their bikes proudly while wearing a scarf around their neck even when it's warm outside. They most likely attended some liberal arts school, but darn it all, they will throw their (insert random social science degree – anthro, psych, sociology, gender studies, etc.) to the wayside to instead play guitar on some street corner. They probably have sustainable gardens in their backyard. I don’t even know what it is about these kinds of people I like so much.
The types of guys I get messages from are highly knowledgeable in computer sciences. Many play Worlds of Warcraft or various computer games. There’s a lot of LOTR fans out there. I get contacted by the woodsy outdoorsmen types who hunt each fall and were members of the Future Farmers of America in high school. I get contacted by people who only have a high school diploma, and work at stores in the mall. I get contacted by people who like cats. I hate cats! A lot of the people are atheists too. I would never date an atheist. It’s not that any of these are horrible interests, or that some girl wouldn’t absolutely love to have a guy like the above described. I’ve attempted conversations to try and keep an open mind, but these people have nothing in common with me. It makes me wonder what draws that group to my profile, and at the same time acts as a repellent to the type of guys I do like. Cynical journalist probably wouldn’t have completely fit into the “guys I like type” category. Uh, this is terrible.
Funny non-website dating side note that I'd like to add. I frequent a specific Starbucks as I find a certain barista to be completely attractive. He never ever talks to me, and he has worked there since September. He talked to me yesterday. He asked where my mom was, and to be sure I told her that he said hello. Why me?
-SJ
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
I get by with a little help from my friends.
You know the title of my blog? Dating for the clueless… I am learning more and more that this is completely true. I’m clueless! It’s been a week since I last posted. I honestly don’t know where that time went. I’ve completely given up on the first dating website I was on. I’ve exhausted all possibilities, even the foreign guys. I still get messages here or there, but along the lines of just “hi” or “you're really hot for a redhead”. Nothing promising. The funniest thing is that I’m starting to notice the same people from that website on the other website. I did look to see if there was a dating website for starving artists. There is, but it is pretty empty. I suppose “starving artist” might imply that they can’t afford the internet, or a place to live.
I get comments here or there, and I want to thank Amy for her kind words. I think just in general for dating we all need to find someone who accepts us regardless. Each person has their own quirks. My quirks are health related. A few different on-line people have sent me messages stating that they are intimidated by my profile, or they think I’m too good for them. Literally, people will start off their message “It’s clear you’re probably way too good for me…”. I looked over my profile, and I don’t know what to change. It sounds like I’m a nice person, but it also sounds like I’m a focused person, which I am. I think I’m one of those people you need to meet in person. It’s easy for me to make friends, so I think I’d have better luck if I actually met one of these on-line guys. I just have no clue how to go about that.
I had an instant message conversation with one guy tonight. The conversation was so dead it deserved its own obituary. We’ll call him non-profit guy. Non-profit guy is currently in the process of getting a master's in religion. He was an actor until he injured his leg, and wasn’t able to be in theatre for a while. He decided at that point to get his masters degree, and he wants to spend his life working for a non-profit. Doesn’t this sound promising? The conversation was so awful. We didn’t click at all. It just goes to show that you can have a lot in common, but that can mean absolutely nothing in terms of compatibility.
That brings us to cynical journalist. I don’t understand! I hear from him about once a week. I’m friends with him on facebook now. I sent him a short message of “what is the deciding factor as to whether we talk again”. He sent me a message back. I guess he got the go-ahead to do a freelance story on my non-profit. I’m beginning to feel like a great storyline, and not a great dating prospect. This is something that has to be clarified ASAP. He also told me of a traffic violation which he thought was apparently a deal breaker. Do I seem that judgmental? He instant messaged me right after he sent the message, and we talked for a while. I really like talking to him. He joked about having to get nice clothes to come to the fundraiser I’m holding. I would like to meet him before the fundraiser, if he plans to attend. I'll have no time that night to chat with him. He said he wanted to meet some weekend. The next day I sent him a message saying I’d be at a certain place hanging up posters, and that lunch or coffee might be nice. I haven’t heard back from him since then. Why does he keep saying he wants to meet me? Is it just to write the newspaper story? He checked out my on-line dating profile twice today. What does that mean?
I plan to feature advice given to me by some of my friends. My first friend offering advice would like to be known as Eva Mendel. She has some health problems too. Eva was telling me that her health problems bother her more than they do her boyfriend. Her boyfriend believes that something could happen to any one of us at any point (which it could), so there is no reason for health issues to be the deal breaker in a potentially great relationship. Eva told me that in general I need to put myself out there more. Otherwise I’ll always wonder what if I had done things differently. This is appropriate advice because I really don’t like putting myself out there.
The following is a direct quote from Eva about my concern that my profile is leading people to feel like they are not good enough to date me… “You do not give the impression that you are too good for someone. I think that what they mean is that you are a selfless person who is striving for great things. People think that they will not measure up to all that you have done. They feel that they won't live up to the caring, beautiful, intelligent person that you are. I don't think they mean it in a bad way like you are putting yourself in a position where you think that you are better than them. You have never given off that impression. Quite the opposite. You are grounded, know what you want, and will go great lengths to achieve your goal. Sometimes that makes people feel that that you are too good for them. Don't take it in a bad way. Take it as more of a compliment. It’s their problem, I guess, not yours.”
Wow! I never thought of things like that. I also have amazing friends. Thanks to Eva for the kind words and great insight!
I get comments here or there, and I want to thank Amy for her kind words. I think just in general for dating we all need to find someone who accepts us regardless. Each person has their own quirks. My quirks are health related. A few different on-line people have sent me messages stating that they are intimidated by my profile, or they think I’m too good for them. Literally, people will start off their message “It’s clear you’re probably way too good for me…”. I looked over my profile, and I don’t know what to change. It sounds like I’m a nice person, but it also sounds like I’m a focused person, which I am. I think I’m one of those people you need to meet in person. It’s easy for me to make friends, so I think I’d have better luck if I actually met one of these on-line guys. I just have no clue how to go about that.
I had an instant message conversation with one guy tonight. The conversation was so dead it deserved its own obituary. We’ll call him non-profit guy. Non-profit guy is currently in the process of getting a master's in religion. He was an actor until he injured his leg, and wasn’t able to be in theatre for a while. He decided at that point to get his masters degree, and he wants to spend his life working for a non-profit. Doesn’t this sound promising? The conversation was so awful. We didn’t click at all. It just goes to show that you can have a lot in common, but that can mean absolutely nothing in terms of compatibility.
That brings us to cynical journalist. I don’t understand! I hear from him about once a week. I’m friends with him on facebook now. I sent him a short message of “what is the deciding factor as to whether we talk again”. He sent me a message back. I guess he got the go-ahead to do a freelance story on my non-profit. I’m beginning to feel like a great storyline, and not a great dating prospect. This is something that has to be clarified ASAP. He also told me of a traffic violation which he thought was apparently a deal breaker. Do I seem that judgmental? He instant messaged me right after he sent the message, and we talked for a while. I really like talking to him. He joked about having to get nice clothes to come to the fundraiser I’m holding. I would like to meet him before the fundraiser, if he plans to attend. I'll have no time that night to chat with him. He said he wanted to meet some weekend. The next day I sent him a message saying I’d be at a certain place hanging up posters, and that lunch or coffee might be nice. I haven’t heard back from him since then. Why does he keep saying he wants to meet me? Is it just to write the newspaper story? He checked out my on-line dating profile twice today. What does that mean?
I plan to feature advice given to me by some of my friends. My first friend offering advice would like to be known as Eva Mendel. She has some health problems too. Eva was telling me that her health problems bother her more than they do her boyfriend. Her boyfriend believes that something could happen to any one of us at any point (which it could), so there is no reason for health issues to be the deal breaker in a potentially great relationship. Eva told me that in general I need to put myself out there more. Otherwise I’ll always wonder what if I had done things differently. This is appropriate advice because I really don’t like putting myself out there.
The following is a direct quote from Eva about my concern that my profile is leading people to feel like they are not good enough to date me… “You do not give the impression that you are too good for someone. I think that what they mean is that you are a selfless person who is striving for great things. People think that they will not measure up to all that you have done. They feel that they won't live up to the caring, beautiful, intelligent person that you are. I don't think they mean it in a bad way like you are putting yourself in a position where you think that you are better than them. You have never given off that impression. Quite the opposite. You are grounded, know what you want, and will go great lengths to achieve your goal. Sometimes that makes people feel that that you are too good for them. Don't take it in a bad way. Take it as more of a compliment. It’s their problem, I guess, not yours.”
Wow! I never thought of things like that. I also have amazing friends. Thanks to Eva for the kind words and great insight!
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Life, liberty, and the pursuit of a blood donor boyfriend. Only A+/A-/O+/O- need apply!
I feel like I haven’t posted anything in a while. I don’t want to neglect this blog. I know I have readers, and I want to keep my readers! I’ve had a few 80 year old days recently (which is any day I feel 80 instead of 21), and have been watching bad daytime TV instead of typing. I’ve also been getting some extra sleep which cuts out the midnight posts. I hope you all understand. There has been a lot of contemplation over the last few days about multiple things in regards to dating.
There was an article that made MSN’s front page about not settling. Basically the main point was if you are complaining about being 40 and single because you didn’t settle, you would probably have complained about being 40 and in a terrible marriage if you had settled. My sentiments exactly. The dating mixer was called off due to the proximity of a very important fundraiser I am holding. Well, I should say the mixer was called off for Sally and I. There will be other opportunities I’m sure. I investigated other random dating websites, but didn’t sign up. There was one for pretty women seeking rich guys. Not my thing. Why isn’t there a website for the impoverished artsy people? Then I found a website for people who probably meet their yearly deductibles for health insurance. There were actually healthy people seeking out sick people. I found this highly suspicious. Also, when someone lists “shy” as their disability, it is just plain insulting.
At the health conferences I attend for “chronic” people like me, there is a running joke we should have “dating advice” sessions. I think we probably should because I have no clue how to approach this issue. A lot of my friends have health issues, and everyone who knows me (unless they’ve been under a rock forever) knows that I’m not the poster child of wellness. I’m not dying, I’m just complicated! I can take care of myself. A huge part of my life has been volunteering for organizations, including starting my own camp, to make people like myself have easier lives. It’s not like this is even a topic that can be held off until you’ve dated someone a while. It’s a lot for a person to wrap their head around, but it has been my whole life. It seems so normal to me. I realize it is anything but normal to others. “Hey love, what’s your blood type? It’s time for a transfusion, you interested?” is not cute! There’s no way to package “my body doesn’t really make its own blood” amongst other things with a little bow on top. Some of my family and friends lovingly refer to me as a vampire. I guess from there it’s either they are ok with it, or they aren’t. That’s something that is very important to know. It will just hurt if I ever find someone who finds less than perfect health to be a deal breaker.
The dating websites have been slow. Not that I’ve really been on them that much. I’m bored with the whole process. You talk to people for a while, and then they stop writing. I’ve even neglected to send a few people messages back. There was an 18 year old who was arguing the fact that he is not too young for me. He said I was lying when I said I had graduated college at 20. Not so. One guy wrote me a letter that the website rejected because it was so long! He had to shorten it quite a bit. He said movie and music interests define whether he is interested in a girl. Do movies and music matter that much? I guess it’s something to think about.
I didn’t hear back from cynical journalist. He hadn’t even been on the website. I decided I would friend him on facebook. He did give me his name after all. I wrote a disclaimer message that if I was way off base and he didn’t want to friend me, I would understand. I really would like to talk to him again. I found him very interesting. Preferably, I’d like to meet him outside of computer-world. He accepted my request… and now what? Do I wait for him to contact me? Do I contact him? I need advice! Please feel free to leave non-harassing opinion messages! Anyone can post a reply. Wait. What if he reads this? Hmmm…
Dear Cynical Journalist,
I hope you don’t mind that I’ve been writing about you on a dating blog that you, until now, didn’t know about. I’m a writer. You’re a writer. You get it, right? I also hope you are ok with your blog name. You claimed to be cynical, and you are a journalist. I thought you were pretty cool when we e-mailed/chatted. We seemed to have a lot in common. I would like to talk to you again. Remember when you mentioned meeting? Well I still think that was a great idea. I’m a particular fan of Starbucks. I have this weekend free. Oh, and I hope you don’t mind that I’m a vampire. The cats out of the bag there.
Sincerely,
The Abnormal Redhead Girl from the Dating Website Who Friended You on Facebook
That’s all I have for now. I need to find other ways to meet guys.
-SJ
There was an article that made MSN’s front page about not settling. Basically the main point was if you are complaining about being 40 and single because you didn’t settle, you would probably have complained about being 40 and in a terrible marriage if you had settled. My sentiments exactly. The dating mixer was called off due to the proximity of a very important fundraiser I am holding. Well, I should say the mixer was called off for Sally and I. There will be other opportunities I’m sure. I investigated other random dating websites, but didn’t sign up. There was one for pretty women seeking rich guys. Not my thing. Why isn’t there a website for the impoverished artsy people? Then I found a website for people who probably meet their yearly deductibles for health insurance. There were actually healthy people seeking out sick people. I found this highly suspicious. Also, when someone lists “shy” as their disability, it is just plain insulting.
At the health conferences I attend for “chronic” people like me, there is a running joke we should have “dating advice” sessions. I think we probably should because I have no clue how to approach this issue. A lot of my friends have health issues, and everyone who knows me (unless they’ve been under a rock forever) knows that I’m not the poster child of wellness. I’m not dying, I’m just complicated! I can take care of myself. A huge part of my life has been volunteering for organizations, including starting my own camp, to make people like myself have easier lives. It’s not like this is even a topic that can be held off until you’ve dated someone a while. It’s a lot for a person to wrap their head around, but it has been my whole life. It seems so normal to me. I realize it is anything but normal to others. “Hey love, what’s your blood type? It’s time for a transfusion, you interested?” is not cute! There’s no way to package “my body doesn’t really make its own blood” amongst other things with a little bow on top. Some of my family and friends lovingly refer to me as a vampire. I guess from there it’s either they are ok with it, or they aren’t. That’s something that is very important to know. It will just hurt if I ever find someone who finds less than perfect health to be a deal breaker.
The dating websites have been slow. Not that I’ve really been on them that much. I’m bored with the whole process. You talk to people for a while, and then they stop writing. I’ve even neglected to send a few people messages back. There was an 18 year old who was arguing the fact that he is not too young for me. He said I was lying when I said I had graduated college at 20. Not so. One guy wrote me a letter that the website rejected because it was so long! He had to shorten it quite a bit. He said movie and music interests define whether he is interested in a girl. Do movies and music matter that much? I guess it’s something to think about.
I didn’t hear back from cynical journalist. He hadn’t even been on the website. I decided I would friend him on facebook. He did give me his name after all. I wrote a disclaimer message that if I was way off base and he didn’t want to friend me, I would understand. I really would like to talk to him again. I found him very interesting. Preferably, I’d like to meet him outside of computer-world. He accepted my request… and now what? Do I wait for him to contact me? Do I contact him? I need advice! Please feel free to leave non-harassing opinion messages! Anyone can post a reply. Wait. What if he reads this? Hmmm…
Dear Cynical Journalist,
I hope you don’t mind that I’ve been writing about you on a dating blog that you, until now, didn’t know about. I’m a writer. You’re a writer. You get it, right? I also hope you are ok with your blog name. You claimed to be cynical, and you are a journalist. I thought you were pretty cool when we e-mailed/chatted. We seemed to have a lot in common. I would like to talk to you again. Remember when you mentioned meeting? Well I still think that was a great idea. I’m a particular fan of Starbucks. I have this weekend free. Oh, and I hope you don’t mind that I’m a vampire. The cats out of the bag there.
Sincerely,
The Abnormal Redhead Girl from the Dating Website Who Friended You on Facebook
That’s all I have for now. I need to find other ways to meet guys.
-SJ
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