I come from the school of peculiar and misguided.

Remember me? I’m the single one. Yeah, still single. I stopped the dating website for a while. I permanently shut down my account for the initial website I signed up for. That leaves one remaining. I was sent an e-mail from the website saying I am now among the top half most attractive users, and because of this I can now view more attractive users. Um, what? I feel that I've been jipped up until this point. There are definitely more attractive guys now, but it’s still been eh so far. I like people who are unique, and there’s a whole lot of same-ness. It’s like the Bachelorette where the guys all look alike. How can she tell them apart? There is one type of message I’m very tired of getting on the dating site. I got one today, and quote “you are definitely too smart and too good looking for me.” It’s sweet initially when these messages arrive, but after a while… I mean I’m still single. Is this a confidence boosting tactic? I feel there must be more to these messages. I can’t intimidate people this much. I mean, we’re talking about me here. If that’s what people think, am I destined for a life of solitude?

I’d like to mention an old favorite. Ok, not really a favorite, but he did make the blog. Remember the guy who works at the pharmacy? He wanted to potentially kidnap me. I’ve discovered he actually works at the pharmacy where I get my meds. This may seem like a small deal if you were not aware of how often I frequent the pharmacy – two to three times a week. He’s always there. The last time I came in he was definitely scanning my face, and I could sense a hint of recognition. Ooooh, awkward. I feel unsettled now that he knows my entire medication list, and my home address. That’s a lot of information there. I wonder if I’ve ever been recognized outside of the dating website.

Sally said that one of my quirks is that I have an outgoing and flirty personality. Truth be told, I don’t know how to flirt. She said that guys can’t tell whether I like them, or if I am just being my usual nice self. Here is how you know if I like you… I will become incapable of having a normal conversation. If you know me, you know that I could talk your ear off. I can’t control my chattiness. That is unless I find you attractive, and then I’m super nervous. I’ll jumble my words, there will be awkward pauses because I won’t know what to intelligently say, and I’ll talk about really dumb and safe topics. My junior year of college I had a conversation with a guy I liked. It started off with talking about politics. I got back to my dorm and could’ve kicked myself. Politics? Smooth going Sami. It was then I thought “hey, at least you didn’t talk about the weather.” My roommate peaked in the room when I said aloud “Oh no! I talked about the weather too.” Lame, I’m aware.

The other way that a guy can tell that I like him is that I start gifting. It’s a compulsion that I don’t know how to control. I have to prelude the next part with the fact that I went to middle school and high school with the same 60-ish people. That’s seven years of being around the same guys! When I got to college I immediately became fond of a particular guy. He worked at one of the dining halls. I made my parents drive me to campus an extra half hour before classes for the first two weeks of school so I could eat breakfast at the dining hall. It happened to be my second breakfast of the morning since I didn’t want to explain the scenario to my parents of why I wanted to be on campus so early. Hello freshman 15. Anyways, I stopped that once I actually got to know him. Hello treadmill. At that point the gifting began – I burned 13 CDs for him. He didn’t even ask for CDs. I just showed up at his door with a stack of CDs. May I mention that a few of those were great bands – Flaming Lips, a Queen mix CD, and Pedro the Lion. I was 16 so please give me a break. Other gifts to different guys during college – an iTunes card, more CDs, a Gap card, a box of really amazing tea, a Banana Republic t-shirt (my friend Kelly suggested boxers on that one – devil in my ear!), and chocolate. My friends get plenty of sweet loot too. I’m just a gift-giving kind of girl. I love to see other people happy. I also like imposing my musical preferences on others. Believe me, if at any point I start gifting know that something is up.

I’ll post soon about some of the guys I’ve been talking to recently. It would just be so much easier to skip the awkward website stuff. I’m tempted to just quit, and hope I either meet someone or that someone I know miraculously takes interest in me. It could happen. Right? By the way, I cut my hair kind of short. It was donated to help soak up oil in the recent oil spill. We can all find ways to help.

-SJ

When advice doesn't apply.

Giving advice is an interesting concept to me. There are a lot of dating books out there that attempt to offer advice. If you select two books at random, I can guarantee they will offer conflicting views. I did pick up a great book recently though called “I Don’t Care About Your Band” by Julie Klausner. I liked the quote that said “a musician writing you a song is like a baker making you a cake. Aim higher.” Doesn’t that put things into perspective? However, I have to say that if I write you a song you should definitely feel relatively special. It takes a lot for me to be inspired.

Sally gives a whole new twist to advice. She sent me an article from CNN about on-line dating. It arrived straight to my facebook box in the form of a link. Sending a link is one thing, but there was a message attached. It said that she thought I’d like to read this, don’t be put off by the STD part. I could just write a question mark at this point to express what was going through my mind at the time. I pulled up the article and the headline was about a special on-line dating website for people with a chronic illness. About when to tell your new significant other about your health issues… that happens to be herpes. I was laughing entirely too much. This was the least applicable article ever. I sent her a message back asking at what point was I supposed to look past the STD part. If I ever write a dating book, Sally will write the foreword.

Sally told me she has a wedding to go to coming up soon. She was all excited until she realized she had no date for the wedding. Guess what? I have two weddings coming up this summer. Sally thinks that you can meet single guys at weddings, but from my experience it only occurs in movies. I’ve never taken anyone with me to a wedding. I hate weddings. I really do. You have to understand, I have a very large family and as a result I’ve been to a lot of weddings. Then your cousins start having kids, and a wedding becomes a small village. I like dancing, but eventually there is a bouquet toss which leads to some epic battles. My cousin, Veronica, was cut to the point of bleeding by a desperately vicious single lady with razor sharp claws who wanted that bouquet. There were strobe lights at the same time as the bouquet toss from the last wedding I was at. The last single lady not seizing gets married next! I recently discussed the following with my 23 year old cousin, Veronica (who is probably soon to be engaged – I’d put money on it).

Here are the following curmudgeon threats (in jest) I’ve made if I am to ever get married:
-I’m going to get married in Guam. People will have to pay large amounts of money if they want to attend, and it will generally inconvenience everyone. Does anyone notice the significant increase in destination weddings?
-I’m going to get married on Halloween. I mean, can you even imagine the ridiculousness of that?
-I don’t want to pay to feed all of the people that would inevitably be invited, so there would only be snacks. Oh, no free alcohol either.

In all seriousness I would never wear white because I’m really white, there would be limited people invited, and forget champagne because I want a latte in my hand at the reception. There would be cupcakes. I like cupcakes.

I never called Dino Dude, but I still have yet to tell you all about the social monogamist. I talked to him for a very long time on instant message. It was a two hour conversation. He lives in Chicago, and works at a university. He reminds me of one of my most favorite guy friends from college. I would never date him, but I found him interesting. There is a journal portion to the dating website, and he has it filled with his views on life. Basically social monogamy is that you would be dedicated to one person in every sense but the monogamy part that matters to pretty much most people. That’s at least from what I understand. If you want to know more about social monogamy, Google search it. He also lives his life to make himself happy. If a person was on a date with him and he wasn’t happy at some point during the date, he would end it on the spot. I make a conscious choice to be very happy, but he kind of takes being happy to a more selfish level rather than selfless. I’m not trying to be insulting, because he was perfectly sweet and kind while talking. He said he isn’t as impulsive as he makes it seem. Also, his profile said that he doesn’t pick up on the body language/social cues of dating. He said he wondered what would happen if we met because 1/3 of people fall in love two weeks following with someone else. That’s kind of bittersweet. I hope he finds what he is looking for eventually.

-SJ

So Many Thoughts. Unfortunately, All At Once.

I’m back to the blog, and I don’t have any dates to show for it. This entry is completely reserved for random rumblings of mine. First of all, holy wow, I’m responsible for a love match! If you read in the comments below you will read that someone met their boyfriend of three months by signing up for on-line dating after they read my blog. They can take some of the credit, I’ll take most of it. I hope that’s ok. I wish you a really long time of happiness as long as I find a boyfriend eventually. I’m kidding.

The redhead stalkerazzi came out this week. There’s a fine line with these “you’re hot for a redhead” messages. Then there was “I always thought redheads couldn’t be attractive until I saw your picture”. Backhanded compliments I tell you! It would be different if someone said they had a thing for redheads. Is it ok to say “well, you’re really hot for being a Native American”? I would think not. Don’t discredit my fellow unnaturally pale comrades.

Things that really suck about having red hair:

-I went to Mexico, and a family friend purchased SPF 140 after I turned crispy with SPF 45 every 15 minutes. Do you also notice that the fashion magazines mock the celebs that wear summer clothing while still pale?
-Your eyebrows are really blonde to the point where they are invisible. I started having my eyebrows dyed in my tweens. I look back on pictures of me before eyebrow dye and shed a single tear for the existence of extended monochrome space between my eyelids and my forehead.
-Your eyelashes are the same blonde. Simply, you don’t look like you have eyelashes. This was never apparent to me until my Sophomore year of high school. The seventeen year old boy I liked turned to me and said…

Him: Have you ever thought of using mascara?
Me: No, why?
Him: You’d look better.
Me: My hair is red though. It will look strange if I have black eyelashes.
Him: You’ll look like you actually have eyelashes though. Black is better than what you already have.

I think you get the point. Don't get me wrong. I will never be a blonde or brunette. I like my hair color.

I talked to the med student again. The conversation was really terrible a second time. I never should’ve contacted him again. I should’ve waited for him to contact me. Instead I initiate a horribly lame conversation in which he reveals that he has a thing for Jews. I found that weird, but in my favor at the same time. Ok, ½ in my favor. I don’t think I’ll be talking to him again. I’m going to segue into another topic with the Jew thing. I talked to the one guy with the angry MySpace blog again. He is adopted, and his adoptive family is Jewish. He brought the topic up, and said how he has the “Jewish nose” and everything. This confused me… he’s adopted. I was being sarcastic when I said to one of my friends that “What did he come from Judaica Hillel Adoption Agency? Did his nose start growing when he heard Hebrew? Is there an adopt-a-Jew program?” Thank you google search, I guess there really is. Wow. My mistake. Oh well, I still think it’s funny.

I started talking to a guy this weekend who we shall entitle “Dinosaur Dude”. He speaks to me in dinosaur. If I were a paleontologist this could be a hugely attractive quality. However, since I’m not, it’s just weird. The guy is cute though. It's just a question of how much crazy can you put up with for the cute. He’s an artist, and works currently in the graphic arts sector. I think he is totally unemployed because he checked out my profile during the day today. His mom serves on the board of the rep and the art museum. There’s something weird about him though. It might be how he morphs my name into Samiceratops. I want to know how I have been selected to be a triceratops. I would’ve gone for a pterodactyl, but no one wanted my opinion on that one. He gave me his phone number, but when I reverse searched it the number came up as a home number for a 70-something couple. He claims it is his cell phone. I suppose I could call him. What would be the proper greeting - rawr or hello? Why do I have to call him? I’m terrible on the phone. Next thing I know he'll tell me he is married, and then I'll have to focus on not passing out again.

I told Sally I’m unsure about the artistic people grouping. I know I’m an artsy person and all, but I know too many others who have no further interest in having a steady job or life. They are fine living their in the clouds life without any kind of thoughts about how to pay for rent or food. Dino Dude wants to spend his life travelling about. On the opposite end of the spectrum, the business/lawyer/doctor people all seem to take life way too seriously. I either have to find an arts person who doesn’t want to spend their life starving, or a person with a steady/serious occupation who is not so serious all of the time.

I have so much more to tell you all about. In my next post I will tell you about the social monogamist (look it up in wikipedia). I will explain to you about my complete disdain for all things wedding related. Maybe I’ll tell you how a phone conversation with Dino Dude went if I decide to call him.

Peace and love.

-SJ

Swahili Speaking Medical Students Are So Common These Days.

Wow. I’ve found someone I actually really like on this internet dating mishegoss (that’s yiddish). I feel so silly even writing about this in general. I have a perma-smile on my face right now. It’s that good. So it all started when I saw an uploaded picture of this guy. Very cute. Definitely my type – brown hair and blue eyes. His profile hadn’t even been started yet. All I had was that he is 6’3 and lives in Chicago. He also had pictures from Africa. His smile just radiated off of the computer screen. I could tell that this was a good person.

I sent him the strangest message in the history of on-line dating. It went along the lines of how I liked his smile, and he looked like a nice person. I am not about sending messages to people with just pictures because it seems like you are only going by looks alone. How was I to know if he would even be anything of interest once I read an established profile. Then his profile was updated, and lo and behold, there is so much promise there. He likes to ride a bicycle and listens to Radiohead – two things that were on my “I like these kind of guys” paragraph a few posts back. He likes green and I like teal. They’re both in the same color family. Guess what… he’s in medical school!

I waited all day and heard nothing back. I should know not to be any kind of impatient. I mean really, I probably could’ve given him two weeks to respond to me. Medical school is crazy from what I hear. I sent him another insane message today. This time it comes in IM form. I sent a message apologizing for the all kinds of bizarre that was the e-mail I sent, and how I didn’t want to keep sending e-mails so I figured IM would be ok. It went straight to e-mail! It was like when you are in the middle of leaving a voice mail and the machine cuts you off before you can leave your number. Your only option is to call again explaining that the machine cut you off, and then by the time you finish explaining the machine cuts you off again. Ok, so I send ANOTHER message. I said how for what it was worth I wanted to tell him how much I liked Radiohead, and that I can usually diagnose at least one out of two patients weekly on Mystery Diagnosis before they come up with the diagnosis.

This is the point where he sends me back a message, thoroughly amused that a girl has gone to these lengths to get his attention. We had a fabulous conversation. He went to Africa to observe hospitals and do some volunteering with the HIV prevention efforts. I said that I’ve only been to Mexico which he really liked because he’s trying to learn Spanish. He was completely fascinated by me being a writer, and wanted to know the process of everything. We talked about a few more things, and then he said he had to go study. We ended the conversation in Spanish which was so cute. I was on the website for a bit longer. Apparently he re-signed in, and then he messaged me again. He wanted to let me know he was on-line again, and wanted to contact me while he quick changed his password. This is just too good. We’ll see…

Also lovelies... feel free to write a comment. It can be anonymous, and you do not need a special account to write a little something. I'd love advice and input. Please do not go out of your way to write anything hurtful. I do have feelings.

-SJ

True Story

I took an on-line quiz that said I was a unicorn. The following is a real life conversation on-line, and exhibit A as to why I'm single.


Him: hey Unicorn :)

Me: Yeah, unicorn, who knew.

Him: Nice

Him: and you love singing too?

Me: yes, absolutely

Him: same here

Me: specifics?

Him: seems like you are a musician

Me: yeah I am

Him: i like singing with my guitar

Me: I kind of do everything that is artsy except drawing/painting kind of stuff.

Me: I can't draw a straight line with a ruler - pretty helpless in that department.

Him: ha ha i see

Him: when did you sign up this site

Me: January I think

Me: not too long ago

Me: Haven't been on it too much though. It was my friend's idea of a Christmas present.

Him: you have a big smile, i love it

Me: oh, well thank you

Him: do you have kids

Me: do I have children?

Me: no, not at all

Me: why?

Him: just curious

Me: Do I look like someone who would?

Him: no, no you are very beautiful

Him: i am looking for someone who loves kids

Me: do you have kids?

Him: no

Me: I like kids. I have the most amazing niece.

Him: i wanna have kids with my partner

Me: yeah, most people do

Him: what about you

Him: you wanna have kids someday?

Me: yeah, someday

Him: i hate cheating, what about you

Me: um yeah, that's definitely not cool

Him: cool

Him: i prefer keeping my feeling inside sometime

Him: what about you

Me: I'm not a very emotive person

Him: i am unemotional

Me: Like a robot?

Him: i am Aquarius

Me: Pisces

Him: cool

Him: are you a happy person

Me: extremely happy

Me: you?

Him: yeah

Me: that must conflict with being unemotional though

Him: yeah i know

A Picture is Worth Lots of Words

I have stumbled upon an interesting new development. Pictures in an on-line dating profile can really make a difference. Ok, I did know that. I didn't, however, know that my on-line dating array of pictures was in all kinds of wrong land. I had nothing to do tonight. I’ve been sick for the last few days which explains my lack of Friday night plans (which is when I started writing this – hello procrastination). I went on one of the dating websites and decided to change things up a bit. I looked through my main profile, and I still have not found anything I need to or could really change. It’s the best possible summary of myself.

In my complete boredom, I changed all of my pictures. This happened after I rearranged my DVD collection by categories that make sense to me (Heath Ledger collection, sappy movies, movies about princesses, rom-coms that provide an unrealistic view on love and will traumatize you forever, Audrey Hepburn movies, etc). One of the pictures I put up is from my recent small birthday party. It’s a very current picture. I also have more pictures from when my hair is long versus short. My hair is kind of in-between right now. I cut a lot off last summer, so now I’m almost back to the length it is in the picture. Do men like longer hair better than shorter hair? By short I mean like chin-length. Also, one of my main pictures is of me singing. I think the music thing is a definite draw.

With these recent updates in mind I had twenty new people look at my page, and had five people send me messages in ten minutes. That's record timing. Anything promising? Unfortunately, no. I really must have needed to change pictures. I took my headshot down. Hey, I am an actress. I think the new pictures make me seem more approachable now.

As of last night I started talking to a 21 year old college student who is majoring in film. We were talking a lot about screenplay writing, and how you can get really great material from your dreams. It was an assignment in one of his classes. A lot of my great ideas happen at night right before I go to sleep, or while I’m getting ready in the morning. It is terrible because there’s never a pen and paper around at either time. Well, I did some investigating and found his MySpace. Blog after blog about how girls are trashy. “I went out with this skank in April and then I went out with this one whore in June.” Month after month of derogatory name calling of women. This blog extended back for 4 years, but he hadn’t posted in the last 8 months or so. I know he’s a youngin’, but I’m inclined to believe that a mindset like that doesn’t change so quickly.

Sally actually ditched the on-line dating. We need to find new ways of meeting people. I’m going to start searching for singles mixers, book clubs, etc. Something! She had two boyfriend situations since December which could fall into the "don't let this happen to you" category. I have a hunch on where Sally and I have things so very wrong. Sally and I have certain guys that have entered our lives at some point where nothing ever progressed into dating, or really anything beyond friends. In our search (I initially put “hunt” but that seemed so animalistic) for a guy, we have tried to find someone that matched up to that “never-more-than-friends-guy” as much as humanly possible. It just doesn’t cut it though. I wonder what it is about these certain guys that set the standard for us. I remember watching a news segment on how our brains already have a checklist, and that when we meet someone new our brains evaluate if they fit our programmed criteria. I wonder if I ever set the standard for someone else. I think it would be difficult to find a replica me. If anyone is out there trying to find a replica me, um, the real me is available. Just saying.

-SJ

I'm a guppy trying to date in a sea of really confusing fish.

This blog has been on hold mostly because I stopped talking to people from the on-line dating websites. I felt in the end it was a big time waster. On-line dating, not the blog. No one really wants to meet in person. I think most people seem happy just talking until eternity through on-line dates. That isn’t really dating. Next thing you know, there will be virtual engagements and weddings. Sally seems to be doing well with the on-line dating. She is dating a guy who has a roommate that also happens to be on the dating website. He’s getting a masters in psych, which I find very interesting. She’s trying to set us up. I’ll go for it. Right now I’m not being picky. I could at least use dating experience.

I think part of the problem with on-line dating is people trying to be something they are not. The same thing happens with dating in general. As the relationship progresses, you slowly find that the person you started off dating is not the same person you seem to be dating now. I mean, we all want to put our best foot forward. I think there is a fine line between that, and assuming a persona different from who you really are. There are on-line dating profiles filled with information that really does not represent the person, but just sounds good to a potential dating prospect. Then there are the pictures that are from years prior. I’ve even seen a 25 year old have a prom picture. I don’t understand what they are trying to achieve by this.

I think the same thing carries over into real life (as in not on-line) dating. Someday when I go out with someone, I want them to be themselves. Literally. I’ve gotten sucked into reading dating advice books and websites, and I think they generally give terrible advice. I do believe that body language can provide a good clue as to whether someone likes you or not. In general though they are giving terrible advice to women. I’ve come to this conclusion because they are giving equally terrible advice to men. One website was saying that women like when men are kind of snarky and mean to them. Basically if you ignore a woman it will make them want you more. It also said that this is to be done especially to very pretty women as they need to get knocked off of their pedestals. I know plenty of women who are very beautiful, and do not have a clue they are attractive. I can guarantee that acting like this will not only ruin the guy’s chances, but also lower the woman's self-esteem. I get irritated because I find any form of game playing ridiculous. Another website was telling guys that they need to find a woman that is below their caliber in social status because women want men to be superior to them and not their equal.

If you are reading this and are interested in me (who reads this anyways that wants to date me?), do not follow this advice. I think I’m kind of a peculiar kind of girl. I want to go on a date and have the guy be one hundred percent himself. I get easily intimidated when I find someone attractive. I appreciate "flaws" because then I know you are actually human. Please do not act in a way you most likely would not behave. I don’t want to find out a month later that you are completely different. If you tend to go for a week sometimes without shaving, and you happen to be on day three of that “no-shave” roll… don’t shave just for the date. I’d find it more attractive that you felt comfortable enough to be yourself around me. I don’t believe in topic taboos. It’s just too much to think about. “Ooops, I can’t talk about that subject until the third date.” I find that bizarre. There’s only so much time that can be spent talking about favorite movies and music. Another really confusing concept is if you are chatting for a while with a guy at a bar. When he goes to buy himself a drink, but then doesn’t buy you one does that mean he doesn’t like you? Who decided upon these social rules and rituals anyways? They are confusing, and I don’t like them. I spend way too much time thinking about this stuff.

I’m socially flawed if you didn’t know. I’m not one of those women who need constant attention. I’m not one of those twirling the hair and batting the eyelashes women who casually touches a guy’s arm during a conversation. I don’t know how to be that woman. It’s not how I’m accustomed to interacting with other people, and it probably wouldn’t come across as natural if I somehow remembered to behave that way. My other big problem is that I have vast knowledge on a lot of different topics. I love to read, and I love to research really random things for fun. I like learning. If someone gets me started talking about one of these random topics I like, I switch into encyclopedia mode. My brain makes a shift to start rattling off information. I’ll stop myself at times and think “what the heck am I doing”. It is borderline embarrassing. Basically the main problem is I want a boyfriend/friend. Friends understand that their friends have quirks and find those quirks endearing. I think that’s where college dating is so much easier because a friendship can evolve into a relationship. That seems to be much more difficult to accomplish in the adult world. I want a friend who I find completely attractive and who I am totally comfortable being myself around to just up and realize one day that they are head over heels for me. This unfortunately does not exist in my world. I’ll just have to figure out how to go about dating like everyone else.

I am now 22 (happy birthday to me), and I am still very much single. By the way - I went to a wedding, again, by myself. I'm pretty much the only single one left in my age group. At least when I do get into a relationship I completely know who I am, what my goals are, and what I want out of life. That has to be a positive thing.

-SJ

On this day in which I don't celebrate...

Ah, yes. Today is the day that some celebrate, specifically people with stock in greeting card companies. You know things are off to a great start when your parents get you a Twilight themed card. Let me rephrase that, things are off to a very single start. I might indulge in purchasing discount flowers tomorrow though. I spent the day with my favorite single girl, Sally. We browsed the dating website, we discussed our dating website strange conversations, and overall had a great time. There was chocolate involved, and Starbucks. The fundraiser is coming up this week. There is a small part of me that hopes some single attractive guy will be there because I have quite the dress to wear. It’s always nice to dress up when you feel like someone is looking.

Cynical journalist has faded into the background. This may be the last time I mention him. I did send him one more message, but still have not heard a thing back. He still looks at my dating profile. I don’t get it, and I cannot explain it. I put a new addition to my profile explaining – “Please do not be intimidated by the fact that I'm ambitious, or that I'm a "good girl". Most likely, I'd really like to talk to you. If you send me a couple of messages, and we seem to be getting along - ask me out already (if you live in the vicinity). I'm on this site for a reason.” Yeah, that was pretty much aimed at cynical journalist. You think he’ll read it? I’m sure he won’t ask me to go out for coffee.

This has lead to a whole different realm of problems. Lots, and I mean lots, of people are starting to send me messages. Now I feel obligated to respond because I stated I was nice. The last thing I need is another 1 star rating from someone who felt irritated by my lack of response. Two people in one night stated they wanted to meet me. One was a 32 year old from Chicago – Chicago guy. He knows about the blog – hi there! See, I didn’t use your screen name. The other is someone that messaged me before. This is Radio Shack guy. He claims he is in college, and he is not. He claims he likes theatre, and he can’t name a show. I don’t know why these people just lie through these conversations and in their profiles. I am a lie detector master. I’m also resourceful, and with that even Sally is impressed. I figured out that this law guy that I’ve been talking to here or there went to college with her. Yeah, I’m that good. Radio Shack guy wants to meet me for coffee. Maybe it is good experience. This will never go anywhere. He just sent me a message as I type this saying he forgot my first name. I’m shaking my head while saying “oy vey”.

I think the type of guy I’m attracted to and the type of people who are attracted to me are not the same. The people whose profiles I become fascinated with tend to look like hipsters, or just plain hippies for that matter. They usually have a picture holding some kind of musical instrument. They have a laundry list of interesting books they have read. They all listen to the same indie rock bands, especially Radiohead. Their profile is littered with ironic and sarcastic statements. They appreciate philosophy, would probably attend a protest, and ride their bikes proudly while wearing a scarf around their neck even when it's warm outside. They most likely attended some liberal arts school, but darn it all, they will throw their (insert random social science degree – anthro, psych, sociology, gender studies, etc.) to the wayside to instead play guitar on some street corner. They probably have sustainable gardens in their backyard. I don’t even know what it is about these kinds of people I like so much.

The types of guys I get messages from are highly knowledgeable in computer sciences. Many play Worlds of Warcraft or various computer games. There’s a lot of LOTR fans out there. I get contacted by the woodsy outdoorsmen types who hunt each fall and were members of the Future Farmers of America in high school. I get contacted by people who only have a high school diploma, and work at stores in the mall. I get contacted by people who like cats. I hate cats! A lot of the people are atheists too. I would never date an atheist. It’s not that any of these are horrible interests, or that some girl wouldn’t absolutely love to have a guy like the above described. I’ve attempted conversations to try and keep an open mind, but these people have nothing in common with me. It makes me wonder what draws that group to my profile, and at the same time acts as a repellent to the type of guys I do like. Cynical journalist probably wouldn’t have completely fit into the “guys I like type” category. Uh, this is terrible.

Funny non-website dating side note that I'd like to add. I frequent a specific Starbucks as I find a certain barista to be completely attractive. He never ever talks to me, and he has worked there since September. He talked to me yesterday. He asked where my mom was, and to be sure I told her that he said hello. Why me?

-SJ

I get by with a little help from my friends.

You know the title of my blog? Dating for the clueless… I am learning more and more that this is completely true. I’m clueless! It’s been a week since I last posted. I honestly don’t know where that time went. I’ve completely given up on the first dating website I was on. I’ve exhausted all possibilities, even the foreign guys. I still get messages here or there, but along the lines of just “hi” or “you're really hot for a redhead”. Nothing promising. The funniest thing is that I’m starting to notice the same people from that website on the other website. I did look to see if there was a dating website for starving artists. There is, but it is pretty empty. I suppose “starving artist” might imply that they can’t afford the internet, or a place to live.

I get comments here or there, and I want to thank Amy for her kind words. I think just in general for dating we all need to find someone who accepts us regardless. Each person has their own quirks. My quirks are health related. A few different on-line people have sent me messages stating that they are intimidated by my profile, or they think I’m too good for them. Literally, people will start off their message “It’s clear you’re probably way too good for me…”. I looked over my profile, and I don’t know what to change. It sounds like I’m a nice person, but it also sounds like I’m a focused person, which I am. I think I’m one of those people you need to meet in person. It’s easy for me to make friends, so I think I’d have better luck if I actually met one of these on-line guys. I just have no clue how to go about that.

I had an instant message conversation with one guy tonight. The conversation was so dead it deserved its own obituary. We’ll call him non-profit guy. Non-profit guy is currently in the process of getting a master's in religion. He was an actor until he injured his leg, and wasn’t able to be in theatre for a while. He decided at that point to get his masters degree, and he wants to spend his life working for a non-profit. Doesn’t this sound promising? The conversation was so awful. We didn’t click at all. It just goes to show that you can have a lot in common, but that can mean absolutely nothing in terms of compatibility.

That brings us to cynical journalist. I don’t understand! I hear from him about once a week. I’m friends with him on facebook now. I sent him a short message of “what is the deciding factor as to whether we talk again”. He sent me a message back. I guess he got the go-ahead to do a freelance story on my non-profit. I’m beginning to feel like a great storyline, and not a great dating prospect. This is something that has to be clarified ASAP. He also told me of a traffic violation which he thought was apparently a deal breaker. Do I seem that judgmental? He instant messaged me right after he sent the message, and we talked for a while. I really like talking to him. He joked about having to get nice clothes to come to the fundraiser I’m holding. I would like to meet him before the fundraiser, if he plans to attend. I'll have no time that night to chat with him. He said he wanted to meet some weekend. The next day I sent him a message saying I’d be at a certain place hanging up posters, and that lunch or coffee might be nice. I haven’t heard back from him since then. Why does he keep saying he wants to meet me? Is it just to write the newspaper story? He checked out my on-line dating profile twice today. What does that mean?

I plan to feature advice given to me by some of my friends. My first friend offering advice would like to be known as Eva Mendel. She has some health problems too. Eva was telling me that her health problems bother her more than they do her boyfriend. Her boyfriend believes that something could happen to any one of us at any point (which it could), so there is no reason for health issues to be the deal breaker in a potentially great relationship. Eva told me that in general I need to put myself out there more. Otherwise I’ll always wonder what if I had done things differently. This is appropriate advice because I really don’t like putting myself out there.

The following is a direct quote from Eva about my concern that my profile is leading people to feel like they are not good enough to date me… “You do not give the impression that you are too good for someone. I think that what they mean is that you are a selfless person who is striving for great things. People think that they will not measure up to all that you have done. They feel that they won't live up to the caring, beautiful, intelligent person that you are. I don't think they mean it in a bad way like you are putting yourself in a position where you think that you are better than them. You have never given off that impression. Quite the opposite. You are grounded, know what you want, and will go great lengths to achieve your goal. Sometimes that makes people feel that that you are too good for them. Don't take it in a bad way. Take it as more of a compliment. It’s their problem, I guess, not yours.”

Wow! I never thought of things like that. I also have amazing friends. Thanks to Eva for the kind words and great insight!

Life, liberty, and the pursuit of a blood donor boyfriend. Only A+/A-/O+/O- need apply!

I feel like I haven’t posted anything in a while. I don’t want to neglect this blog. I know I have readers, and I want to keep my readers! I’ve had a few 80 year old days recently (which is any day I feel 80 instead of 21), and have been watching bad daytime TV instead of typing. I’ve also been getting some extra sleep which cuts out the midnight posts. I hope you all understand. There has been a lot of contemplation over the last few days about multiple things in regards to dating.

There was an article that made MSN’s front page about not settling. Basically the main point was if you are complaining about being 40 and single because you didn’t settle, you would probably have complained about being 40 and in a terrible marriage if you had settled. My sentiments exactly. The dating mixer was called off due to the proximity of a very important fundraiser I am holding. Well, I should say the mixer was called off for Sally and I. There will be other opportunities I’m sure. I investigated other random dating websites, but didn’t sign up. There was one for pretty women seeking rich guys. Not my thing. Why isn’t there a website for the impoverished artsy people? Then I found a website for people who probably meet their yearly deductibles for health insurance. There were actually healthy people seeking out sick people. I found this highly suspicious. Also, when someone lists “shy” as their disability, it is just plain insulting.

At the health conferences I attend for “chronic” people like me, there is a running joke we should have “dating advice” sessions. I think we probably should because I have no clue how to approach this issue. A lot of my friends have health issues, and everyone who knows me (unless they’ve been under a rock forever) knows that I’m not the poster child of wellness. I’m not dying, I’m just complicated! I can take care of myself. A huge part of my life has been volunteering for organizations, including starting my own camp, to make people like myself have easier lives. It’s not like this is even a topic that can be held off until you’ve dated someone a while. It’s a lot for a person to wrap their head around, but it has been my whole life. It seems so normal to me. I realize it is anything but normal to others. “Hey love, what’s your blood type? It’s time for a transfusion, you interested?” is not cute! There’s no way to package “my body doesn’t really make its own blood” amongst other things with a little bow on top. Some of my family and friends lovingly refer to me as a vampire. I guess from there it’s either they are ok with it, or they aren’t. That’s something that is very important to know. It will just hurt if I ever find someone who finds less than perfect health to be a deal breaker.

The dating websites have been slow. Not that I’ve really been on them that much. I’m bored with the whole process. You talk to people for a while, and then they stop writing. I’ve even neglected to send a few people messages back. There was an 18 year old who was arguing the fact that he is not too young for me. He said I was lying when I said I had graduated college at 20. Not so. One guy wrote me a letter that the website rejected because it was so long! He had to shorten it quite a bit. He said movie and music interests define whether he is interested in a girl. Do movies and music matter that much? I guess it’s something to think about.

I didn’t hear back from cynical journalist. He hadn’t even been on the website. I decided I would friend him on facebook. He did give me his name after all. I wrote a disclaimer message that if I was way off base and he didn’t want to friend me, I would understand. I really would like to talk to him again. I found him very interesting. Preferably, I’d like to meet him outside of computer-world. He accepted my request… and now what? Do I wait for him to contact me? Do I contact him? I need advice! Please feel free to leave non-harassing opinion messages! Anyone can post a reply. Wait. What if he reads this? Hmmm…


Dear Cynical Journalist,

I hope you don’t mind that I’ve been writing about you on a dating blog that you, until now, didn’t know about. I’m a writer. You’re a writer. You get it, right? I also hope you are ok with your blog name. You claimed to be cynical, and you are a journalist. I thought you were pretty cool when we e-mailed/chatted. We seemed to have a lot in common. I would like to talk to you again. Remember when you mentioned meeting? Well I still think that was a great idea. I’m a particular fan of Starbucks. I have this weekend free. Oh, and I hope you don’t mind that I’m a vampire. The cats out of the bag there.

Sincerely,
The Abnormal Redhead Girl from the Dating Website Who Friended You on Facebook


That’s all I have for now. I need to find other ways to meet guys.

-SJ

The "Next Best Thing"

The case with on-line dating, supposedly, is that at times something better comes along than the person you are talking to. I’ve never had this happen to me. I can multi-task the conversations. I’m assuming the “next best thing” tends to apply to the men, and who they decide to contact. I’m worried that might be the case with the cynical journalist. I’m seriously putting assumptions on this. I’m a terrible person for patience, and I am actively working on that. People have lives and are busy.

It started with cynical journalist saying that he would like to meet me. Absolutely! I gave him my phone number. I would like to talk to him on the phone first before meeting him, if only just to arrange the (kind of?) date. He ended up instant messaging me that night. We had a very long instant message conversation. He seemed surprised that two people who had never met would have so much to talk about. I was equally shocked.

It gets so much better. I’ve been telling him about this non-profit I started up last May. There is a fundraiser coming up in February. He is very interested in the whole thing. Not even a feigned interest. It’s a definite real interest in what I am doing. I finally told him the organization’s name. He went to the website and said he liked it. He read my bio, and he said it made him feel that he hasn’t accomplished a lot. That’s terrible. That last thing I want is a nice potentially date-able guy to be intimidated by my accomplishments. He starts throwing out ideas of places to hang posters. This is where it gets even better. He tells me he has newspaper connections that he can talk to about the fundraiser. I couldn’t believe it. This guy is near amazing! At this point I’m figuring that he must have a significant interest in getting to know me. Why would a person use their connections for just anybody? He sent out some press releases for me, and the website is already getting hits by the papers.

From there we talked over some of the creepy people on the dating websites. He has only been on the website for about a week. We talked about our dogs, and some of their funny quirks. We discovered that we both eat Cheerios in the morning. He said “I’ll look forward to talking to you again, tomorrow perhaps.” That was two days ago! I know his name, as he gave it to me. I could friend him on facebook, but I am trying to reign in my inner creeper. Because that’s creepy, right? I hope to hear from him soon. I wonder if he thought my organization was more interesting than he thought I was.

-SJ

The end of the musician era...

It’s the official end of musician guy. He will never be mentioned in the blog again. He really doesn’t deserve the name stunning other than I was completely stunned to discover more about him. I talked to him again on-line, and things seemed in a good place. I explained that he needed to figure out his life mess before I would ever go out with him (example – divorce finalized first). For goodness sakes, get a duplex too instead of living in the same house with her.

I wondered last night just how many dating websites he was on. I decided to Google his on-line screen name. Wow, did I find stuff. He has been on at least four to five different websites since 2006! He misrepresents himself on every single website. He gives different ages, different marital statuses, etc. It’s like completely different personas for each one. One website was just looking for various degrees of hooking up (sometimes with multiple people). Did I mention he apparently has a daughter too? It’s his own fault he married to help someone get their green card. That’s no reason to be a man-whore. I don’t care how doting of a father he claims to be, I feel awful for those children. Maybe I’m a bit naive, but I never would have guessed. He’s off my AIM list and deleted out of my cell phone. Great, now I have to ask people if they are married. I just heard on TV that 1/3 of on-line dating people are married. Beautiful face or not, musician guy is not a beautiful person.

As I’m typing, I’m pretty sure that someone is trying to pick me up on facebook. Weird! I’ve never had someone randomly message me. This guy knows someone that I know. He wrote me a whole paragraph. I’m not big on friending random people though, even if they do know other people I know. The dating websites are, well, the same. Nothing has really piqued my interests. I’ve actually come across a few guys that would be perfect for Sally. I’ve forwarded on their screen names to her. At least one of us needs to find a guy. I’m still talking to the Irish guy. Apparently he is finishing his BA and not PhD. It seems that people really do get the education level thing confused. He’s been telling me about his final school project film that he has been working on.

Did I mention I sort of got asked out on a date? I did! This would be my first on-line date. It’s the cynical journalist! He said he wanted to meet up, and I gave him my phone number. He even apologized on the day he didn’t send me a message which was not necessary, but definitely pretty nice. We both took a personality test, and both came back as being a hippie. He is splendidly sarcastic, and generally just interesting. We graduated from the same college too. He seems to know what he wants to do with his life. Also, he has not called me gorgeous, hot, cute, beautiful, etc… I see that as a plus. So far the guys who have said that immediately have turned out to be sketchy.

-SJ

"No one's got it all..."

I talked to stunning musician guy on the phone. Complete and utter failure. I’m pretty sure my words weren’t even audible. I wasn’t expecting he was going to call, and technically he didn’t mean to call me (to be explained). I got extremely nervous. I haven’t done the “talking on the phone” thing since probably middle school. I was a phone talking pro back then. I could not breathe well the entire time I was talking to him. This has never happened. My face flushed, and still has yet to become normal in tone even though about a half hour has gone by. There was way too much nervous laughter on my part. Not to mention saying cool like every other word. I hope he reads this so I can apologize for being an awkward human being. I’m not even shy. What the heck?

How did he end up calling me? His iPhone literally called me all by itself. It’s a plus that I’m actually programmed in his phone, but the intent to call me was not his own. I don’t think it was a good time to talk. He had to hang up and call back about three times… calling after his son, running into other parents. That’s not a problem. He’s making BANANA muffins today. My mind was going into anaphylactic shock just hearing about it. I guess he was married. The details on this are kind of vague and confusing. Something about a green card. He still lives with her! I’m glad I was sitting down because the room started fading to black. I had to focus on not passing out. This is not a good situation. I’m a good girl. Not a potential home wrecker. I like the creative aspect of musicians, but I'm not out to find a bad boy (man, I guess). If you know my life, you know it has its own forms of mess. I don't need someone else's mess too. I clearly need to ask more questions. I’m horrified and slightly devastated. On-line dating is misleading.

I’m finally talking to someone on the other website. We’ll call him cynical journalist. He is 23 and went to school for journalism, hence the name. He just got out of a three year relationship last year. What is with all these guys and these crazy long term relationships at such a young age? I’m slightly surprised by it. His life goal is to be a crime-solving journalist. It reminds me of the mystery books I’ve been reading recently. He likes pineapple pizza and Jack Kerouac. I approve! He has a dog that he goes running with, and plays guitar in his free time. Our letters to each other are extremely long because we are both writers and get lost in thought. We’ve talked about travelling, and about how he can get more involved in volunteering. This is probably the most promising person thus far.

I’m still talking to the foreigners. They are still great to talk to. That one Swedish guy with the great profile got back to me. He told me all men from Sweden are pretty amazing. He’s promoting the entire country which is so funny and cute.

Alright everyone, I’m going to go listen to music and do things that do not consist of on-line dating. I hate to have such a short post, but the skanky musician guy thing threw me for a loop. I’ll be fine. Hope everyone else is having a great weekend!

-SJ

(Note from iPod playlist – “Hero” by Regina Spektor)

A Tragic Lesson on How Not to Talk to Guys

Sally and I went out last night. We didn’t want to be out too late. We should’ve had a set plan as to where we were going. We knew certain streets were supposed to be pretty interesting. Sally wore a pink halter dress with silver tights and black heels that were probably about three inches tall. I had on a black and grey mini dress that I bought in LA. I love BCBG. The outfit was completed with purple tights (yes, purple – don’t judge me because I like color) and grey heels.

First problem was that we got lost. I’m not kidding. We were driving around for at least an hour. I’m not an “ask for directions” kind of girl. I just assume I’ll find wherever I’m going eventually. This is probably one of my most annoying habits. Hopefully some guy will find it endearing. The bar people knew we were going out and hid all of the good bars! Lights off guys, they’re on their way! Good girls can’t find the good bars when they actually want to go out. The non-restaurant bars were empty. We asked a bell-hop at a hotel where the best places to go were. We pretended we weren’t from the area. He gave us some suggestions. The first funny moment of the night was when Sally thought she was opening a door to a bar, and it was really a closed hair salon. We went to my favorite Cuban restaurant to have what would turn out to be the only drink of the night.

The place was packed. The door guy from the restaurant took an interest in me, and told people to move from their spots at the bar so we could sit down. He also winked at me. I told Sally it was probably because my dress was so short that with just my jacket, I looked like I literally had only tights on. I got a mojito (with probably half a rum bottle) and Sally got sangria (really light on the orange juice). They were giving everyone complimentary banana chips and guacamole. We asked if they had any tortilla chips, and they didn’t. The bartender asked why we didn’t want banana chips, and I explained I’m allergic to bananas and avocado (kiwi and chestnuts too). He was fascinated by this concept, and asked me to tell him the story of how I became allergic. What? I ate bananas one day and ended up in the hospital when I was 19. Not too exciting. We ordered french fries, and decided after the fact that we should have ordered dessert.

There were these girls sitting next to us that kept complaining about how strong their drinks were. I found it irritating. They were complaining to anyone who would listen. I may or may not have said to Sally “Stupid hoes can’t handle their stupid strong drinks. The bartender was just being nice.”We decided to leave to search for better places. The smartest thing about the Cuban place was that the barstools were weighted down. Sally helped me walk across the street. I walk into walls sober so I wasn’t taking any chances especially with high heels and ice. Sally now calls me a guppy because I am definitely not a fish.

We went back to the hotel because I wanted a cappuccino. We went to the lounge and it was all forty-somethings. This guy who was maybe 30-ish pretended he worked there. He was the most attractive person in the entire place. It was bad enough that it was just Sally and I, since they say going out in threes is better. Well we wanted to find a place to sit down first, and laughed off the flirting attempt on his part. We sat on a couch way to the back far away from cute guy. I badly wanted to lie down just because there was a couch and it seemed like a good idea. I didn’t though. Next thing I know Sally is complaining about her bra being uncomfortable. This is the point of the night where sober Sally takes her bra off in the middle of a hotel bar. I kept mine on. I decided that we needed to go to the table where cute guy was. I felt like taking initiative. Halfway through the bar we discovered there was a girl at the table with the guys. At that point we retreated. We moved forward eventually to sit in the middle of the bar. Sally ordered an entire pie desert. We sat at a table with only two chairs. Cute guy never returned. If you ignore a guy because you want to lie on a couch, he will never come back. Epic fail.

Some time passed, and we went in search of a club. We entered this one club, and it was full of women. Women grouped by the bar. Women dancing in the middle of the room grabbing each other’s butts. We walked straight through and saw no one of interest, and then we left. From there we went to a different hotel because it was where we parked. By the way, the parking lot smelled like bacon. The lounge there turned out to be forty and fifty-somethings listening to jazz music. We took the elevator back down. We then went to what was supposed to be a rock bar. Think a failed attempt at a House of Blues. There were pictures on the walls of Bowie, Hendrix, and Morrison. It could’ve been a cool place. The bouncer was awesome. There was a three dollar cover, and people in front of us were arguing for it to be two dollars less. Two whole dollars? We meandered to the back of the bar where there was a band playing. The most attractive person there was the drummer in the band who apparently could only turn his head one direction. The entire time he played, his head was turned sharp left. It looked painful. We got hit on by a few forty-somethings. This made me question how old I look. I turned to Sally while rubbing my forehead and said “I’m trying to massage out the wrinkles.” The bouncer offered to buy us a drink. I just asked for water. My 24 year old friend, Sally, asked for a kiddie cocktail!

We eventually left to head home. While we walked across the street, a car stopped and asked if we wanted to be involved in an eight-some. No, definitely not. Sally and I then drove back to my house where we loudly sang “Benny and the Jets”. It was the best moment of the night. Next time we decided that we are going out in a different city.

Moving on to on-line guys. Stunning musician guy called me and left the most adorable voice message. I was carrying shopping bags upstairs and didn’t get to the phone in time. I could’ve kicked myself. My life is not awesome sometimes. I called back, but he didn’t answer. Maybe he’ll call again someday. I’m still talking to the two Irish guys and the one Brit. They are rather chatty too. I mean I’m getting quite amazing e-mails. They’re all so artsy. I love it!

-SJ

Stealing my way into the steel industry.

Today I’m fed up with the on-line dating scene. Maybe I’m just having an off day. I looked at the list of people that have contacted me. 90 people on one site, and 5 on the other site that I have just joined. Do I have a problem? This doesn’t even include the now around 20 people that I have contacted. Some of the people I have contacted I am still talking to here or there. That’s a lot of people. I’m literally running out of locals. I’ve been keeping tabs on the “new people” page. I have encountered about eight or so people that I would’ve gone out on a date with. Either they don’t live anywhere close by to go on a date, or things just kind of didn’t continue to that point. There are maybe two people whom I am still hoping I will meet.

I know there are books out there circulating that say people should just settle. I don’t want to settle! I shouldn’t have to settle. That would just be unfair to the other person. I wouldn’t want someone to settle for me. It’s like the messages I get where people tell me that I’m attractive for a red head. Can’t I just be attractive? I have no qualms with deleting the “hey baby” messages or some of the other strange ones I’ve posted below. The deleted people were clearly not interested in dating. They probably would be ok knowing me (biblically speaking) for one day, and that’s not ok with me. Some guy today sent me a message about how he was sure he would make my Valentine’s Day special. How would that happen? I dislike Valentine’s Day and it is not just because I’m single. I have traumatic memories from fifth grade (I was eight years old), and I gave a boy a box of chocolates which he threw in the garbage. My future boyfriend is completely off the hook. That holiday doesn’t even exist on my calendar.

I would like to address some of the comments I have received. Morgan, I am so happy things worked out well for you! You were spot on with the website. I appreciate your encouragement. I know someone is out there. I just have to find them first.

Next, to the anonymous poster. First of all, I know exactly who you are. Pretty much because I have magical powers. Please stop sipping the haterade. This blog is all in good fun. I would never ever count someone out of the potential dating group for a single typo, or two, or three. My response to that one guy spelling weirdo wrong was just because he had been already calling me a list of quite grotesque names. A girl doesn’t deserve to be called names. Yes, I hit two e’s instead of an ea for stealing. Oh well. Are you also aware that I use fragment sentences quite often? If my “friends” feel like judging me, so be it. Even published authors have editors for a reason. What I don’t understand is that a person’s profile is the first glimpse of who that person is. When I talk about spelling things, it’s mostly from the people who literally spell every single word wrong. It shows a lack of effort. It’s like the people who do not upload pictures and think they will still get dates. I would never think someone was a liar for how they spell. I don’t quite know where you got that from. Where did I even mention liars? I pay attention to language and words because I’m a writer. I like reading words and I like writing words. Come on, have a sense of humor. Litten was pretty funny.

I am currently talking to the most adorable 20 year old possibly on the history of the planet. He is not my type, but I’m open to talking to people if they seem nice. I only flat-out refuse to talk to offensive people. After the second sentence in our chat, he asked if I would meet him. I politely refused, and said it was way too soon. I had only said “hello” and “how are you”. He apologized and said he always ends up in trouble by wanting to meet girls too soon. He said he just can’t believe he is almost 21 and still single. I made a few jokes about how he is almost middle aged. It’s the cutest train wreck ever. I’m coaching him about how to properly talk to girls. I really hope it helps him. I may not be able to get my own date, but I do know how I would want to be talked to.

I am looking to try other dating things in addition to the on-line dating. I’m hoping going out with Sally will lead to meeting some promising people. Then Sally and I are talking about going to this mixer thing a few days before a holiday that other people celebrate at some point in February. To make it clear, I never count people out just because of a limited number of typos. I do not reply back to people who are telling me about their motel rooms. Can you blame me? The most important thing is clearly compatibility. If you can’t hold an e-mail conversation with a person, it most likely won’t work out when you meet.

-SJ

Travelling is my favourite! Un café, por favor!

Language is interesting. It’s sometimes hard to believe all of the different variations on the English language. I’ve discovered this recently when I started talking to some Brits and Irishmen. I would like to retract my previous statement saying that there was nothing interesting going on in that portion of the world. I’ve talked to at least five people from England or Ireland. It is my plan to figure out why some people go by English and others British. I’m of English/British decent, and I’m never sure which one to say. A whole quarter actually. We hopped on the Mayflower (or some other similar boat around that time) and never looked back. Back to the language bit. There are some words that are spelled differently or places referred to by different names between their English and our English. Example – grey (gray), favourite (favorite), socialising (socializing), or cinema (movie theatres). Do I spell these words the American way, or do I spell them how I know they spell them and appear like a complete Anglophile?

The Irish guy I talked to is getting a PhD in film making. In his profile he said he would propose to a girl on the spot if he found out she listened to Nick Drake. I asked him if it counted that I had a few Nick Drake songs on my iPod. He said his initial thought with that statement was about a girl playing a Nick Drake record, but he said he may have to update his preferences to go with the latest technology. He also admits to being a night owl like me. The best part of his profile – “Everyone should give time to help others”.

My favorite Brit has a PhD and lives in Denmark. My initial message was very simple – “have you ever thought about moving to the US”. He liked the message! He said it started his day off with a smile, and now he seems kind of interested. He had mentioned that he wanted to travel and see different places. I figured the US would be great for him, especially because he could then meet me. He likes movies, museums, music, and lots of other things that I really like. He speaks whatever language they speak in Denmark, which is pretty impressive. He said he has always wanted to experience different cultures, and America would be an interesting one. This made me laugh since I’ve never thought of America as being a different culture.

I in no way think that contacting these guys from different countries is a bad idea. I have an amazing neighbor who lives next door. Her parents are Italian and immigrated to Canada. She is a great cook! She met her husband on-line. She told me this past week when she made me cinnamon rolls and espresso for breakfast (I am blessed!) about her on-line dating experiences. Apparently when she talked to her future husband, he thought she was living in Arizona. He went to Arizona every few weeks for business. She’s not sure how he got confused, but at the time she was living in Quebec. She moved to the states, and it’s all happily ever after. I guess with these foreign guys I can send e-mails through the dating website, maybe eventually IM, and then there is always Skype. If they become very interested, they can always hop on a plane to America. I mean, these guys claim to like travelling. One claims to like cupcakes. I just had to throw that in. Sprinkles red velvet cupcakes are magical. Sprinkles over Magnolia’s hands down. Sorry New Yorkers!

I know guys can be confusing sometimes, but stunning musician guy has taken it to a whole new level of confusing. He wouldn’t tell me his “life story” because facebook chat would just take too long. Ok then. I want to clarify that a life story to him means anything about himself. He said he was going to call me. We’ve gone over this, right? So today he contacts me again, and I just don’t get it. He mentioned he just woke up and was making French press coffee, and that he wishes I was there. I wish I was there too. I seriously needed some coffee right about at that moment. Eh, mornings. Plus I would’ve liked to look at his beautiful face at that moment too. I gave him a hard time about not calling me, but I was keeping it light and funny. He said he got busy, and I get that. Especially with a little one. Then he said he was going to jump in the shower and call me after. Don’t say you’re going to call me again, and then again not call me. Is there some reason he keeps telling me he will call? It’s not like I ask him to call me. The phone thing is all his idea. Our conversations aren’t even complete conversations because I hardly know a thing about him. I hinted about my blog hoping he would read it, but the guy cannot take a hint. I can guarantee you that he will be contacting me again on facebook. I’d put money on it. I just don’t get him. From looking at pictures he was still with the baby-mama as of late October. Is she still in the picture? Is that why he contacts me at really random hours of the day? It’s all very strange.

-SJ

$2175 for a one-way ticket from Italy.

Sally and I are going out on Friday. We’ll be sparkly and have coats with no items worth potentially stealing. This whole dating (or lack their of) is quite the social experiment. Oh that Sally. She suggested another dating website to me. This one is so complex. There’s instant messaging, and boxes popping up at me. The boxes are people I don’t want to talk to, but they just won’t stop talking. It provides a compatibility percentage. These people assume just because I answered a few questions about flag burning, intelligence, and other political questions that we are a match. We are so not a match.

I got into a horrible conversation with a guy tonight. Let me start off with the fact that the conversation was not my choice. I’m not even in a bad mood, but the guy was on my last nerve. I asked how he was doing to be cordial. He starts telling me how he is so lonely, and lives in a house all by his lonesome. Apparently when it gets dark outside he gets frightened. He wishes he had a girl in his bed with him. Blah, blah, blah. Really? Let me mention this guy believes in chivalry. I was irritated by his “I’m scared” bit, and said “Are you really trying to tell me I should want to date a grown man afraid of being in his own house?”. I know, I’m sorry readers. I’m currently trying to rein in my sarcasm. It gets worse! He starts calling me names which is not chivalrous! He called me a loser! Which I just could not believe. He called me a “wierdo”, and I told him he spelled the word wrong. I had to! He called me some other names, and then said he wanted to start the conversation over because we shouldn’t give up on our compatibility. I said, politely this time, no thank you especially after all the choice words he had for me. I explained that I hoped he found what he was looking for. Then he called me a pinhead! Uh… This is how 26 year olds act these days? As I’m typing this I have found an incredibly nasty message sent by him. Sir, you have officially been blocked.

I know I can be sarcastic, and some people are not ok with that. I am a nice person though. All of my friends will vouch for me. I will under no circumstances deal with being called names. This guy didn’t even know me, and he was calling me some nasty things. Loser and weirdo (ooops… wierdo), were just the beginning of it. I want to find someone to go out with, not someone to be berated by.

Still no word from stunning musician guy… I did find out that one of my good friends has played at some of the same gigs as stunning musician guy in the past. It is a small world (after all). I asked if he had heard of stunning musician guy’s name, and then eventually it clicked that I was asking him about stunning musician guy from the blog. Hurray for people actually reading this!

It has been slow on the website where people do not say nasty things to me. It appears that I’ve had some success in talking to the foreign guys. I’m moving to Europe. Even the Europeans with only a high school education have absolutely no typos in their profiles. It’s ridiculously impressive. I’ve been conversing with an Italian guy. He has crazy beautiful long dark curls. He also happens to look identical to a certain current cast member from the Broadway musical Hair. They could be twins! The Italian hippie said he had been in LA recently, but didn’t like how vapid everyone was. I told him he should check out the Midwest. He asked if it was an invitation, and I said it was a strong suggestion in the very least. How much do plane tickets from Italy to Wisconsin go for on Expedia?

Update: A guy just asked how long I've been looking for a serious relationship. The funniest thing is I'm not seeking really anything. If someone is interesting, well, then I guess they are interesting. This is the first time in a while that I don't feel awful about being the single girl. Yet here I am on these dating websites. Why am I doing this? Oh yeah, New Year's resolution. Last year was to be fearless, and this year is to date.

-SJ

You need a green card? Ok, I'll marry you.

He did not call. I wasn’t expecting he would. By “he” I mean stunning musician guy. I feel like I want to change his blog name. I won’t for consistency, and I cannot deny the fact that he is stunning. I was slightly irked by the lack of a phone call. Why bother telling me you will call me? Just don’t mention it. It’s not like I sat around waiting for his call. I was a busy girl today. I had a doctor appointment this morning. I told him I had a “business meeting”. Well, same thing if you think about it. After that I did a lot of work for my organization. I did send him a text though. I know, that was stupid. Regardless, I feel like he is not a very forthright person. Everything just seems a bit sketchy. He works for a hair salon (that’s not sketchy). His listed last name on facebook is not his real last name (that’s what is sketchy). Don’t tell me to Google you’re name unless you want me to find out information. I am a master of research, especially after working for the museum. I spent a lot of days finding addresses for unlisted names. Skill I tell you! Besides this, I think I have spent way too much time around guys. I can see right through sweet talking. So please, just be a real person.

I went back on the dating website today. I sent a message to the pen-pal guy. I figured why not. It’s been two weeks, and technically he was the one to message me last. I’m getting very tired of seeing the same pictures on that site. I feel like I have either deleted their messages or had a brief conversation with them at some point. I ventured into looking at guys from other countries. I should have done this weeks ago. I have decided I’m moving to Scandinavia. How’s the health care there? If you have ever been to Epcot, you know the most attractive people are in Norway–land. Apparently Swedish guys are pretty cute too. Example – Alexander Skarsgard. I checked out England and Ireland, but wasn’t too impressed. I read a few Australian profiles. I pictured their profiles being said in an Australian accent which was such a great idea. By far though, Norway and Sweden were the best.

The foreign guys seem to actually take time to fill out their profiles. A lot of thought appears to go into it. My favorite Swede wrote his profile as a missing ad for his girlfriend. It went along the lines of she’s shorter than 5’8, has a great personality, etc. It was detailed, and quite funny. I had to send him a message just to applaud his originality. It was at this point I realized I was ok with having a mail-order husband from Sweden. Almost all the profiles were that great. Come on American guys, step it up! One Norwegian had his profile entitled “I want a bad romance”, and had a strategically placed towel in his picture. I just liked the Gaga reference, but if “no shirt on” is a negative on my list then a strategically placed towel is right there with it. Funny though.

I talked to Sally tonight. We discussed maybe going out on the town. Neither of us has actually gone out in the city we live in. Isn’t that odd? The following conversation ACTUALLY HAPPENED:

Me: We should go out.
Sally: We should! We could meet real live guys.
Me: What do people wear when they go out?
Sally: I don’t know. Something sparkly maybe, but not Barbie.
Me: Like black and silver with some sequins?
Sally: That would probably be good.
Me: Hey, what do people do with their jackets?
Sally: I don’t really know. I think they take their valuables with them, and hang the coats up somewhere.

Yeah, we’re single.

-SJ

No me gusta Casanovas!

I had to update. I friended stunning musician guy on facebook. This was such an utterly bad idea. He contacted me tonight. Not via phone, although he is supposed to call me tomorrow. He is truly beautiful, and he very much knows it. It tips things out of my favor. As long as he knows he is stunning musician guy, I am disposable. I feel like I have to continually impress him. This does not go along with the fact that I’m looking for someone who I can feel like I can be myself with.

The conversation in general with him was two parts adorable and one part crass. He called me sexy. Uh, cringe. Yeah, that was another thing on that "just say no" list I wrote not too long ago. He didn’t read the blog obviously. Then he mentioned cuddling. He really should read this blog! I told him the conversation tomorrow has to be more impressive than the on-line one. He even started speaking to me in Spanish! If I hadn’t spent so much time in Mexico, I might have been completely charmed by this on-line Casanova tactic. He seems like someone that would be fun, and that I could really get along with. I am not the local groupie though. If he wants that, I’m sure he has a line down the block just waiting. He is super cute, but I’m a pretty amazing person who he should want to get to know. I want someone with depth who is compassionate. Even though he is, well you know, I refuse to be a moth to a flame. On a positive note though, he reads. He has the sarcasm thing going for him too.

Nothing too exciting has been sent through via the dating website. I had one guy who asked me which football team I was rooting for. None. Remember, avoid sports at all costs. Ok, not at all costs. I don’t want to get massive messages breaking down any specific game. I’ll have nothing to say. He can like sports, but if he wants a sports prodigy he is not looking in the right place. Someone else contacted me about musical theatre. One guy I contacted because he had some serious make-up on in his picture. I was intrigued! Turns out he dressed up as David Bowie for Halloween. I whole heartedly approve! He is a writer by profession. This one is a definite future possibility.

The worst message this weekend was from a guy who had apparently had a series of really bad dates through the dating website. This is not my problem. He wanted me to tell him how a date with me would be any better. How am I supposed to know? I don’t even know what went wrong with the date to start with. Most likely guy, it was you.

I think I scared producer guy off. He asked me quite bluntly what I was looking for in a relationship. I answered the question, and never heard a reply back. I added the response to my on-line profile so people know right away what it is I’m looking for. I’m not looking for childish games. I have standards. So here is the profile on what I’m looking for:

I like being around smart people, but I do not like show-offs. I like people who are generally optimistic. I always see the positive things in life, and I want to be around someone who sees things the same way. I find sarcasm to be a very attractive quality. I am interested in someone who will make me smile. I want to be able to be myself, and not feel like I have to be different in order to impress someone. I'm interested in a guy I can actually have conversations with, and not feel the need to fill awkward gaps. I'm interested in someone who is dedicated to what they do, and has an idea of what they want out of life.

I’ll update after I talk to stunning (and a little sleazy) musician guy tomorrow. I’m still a bit like Pavlov’s dog, but at the same time I am a bit queasy with disgust. I’m not expecting this to go well. Substance over beauty! (Note – I almost put “beauty over substance”. Slight slip on my part. I really do mean the former though!) Although, if he surprises me, I’ll be very, very, very happy!

-SJ

On the left hand is my mitten, while the lighthouses get litten.

How important is spelling when trying to make a positive impression on someone? I think pretty important. I understand that people get to and too confused sometimes, but other than that spell check can solve a lot of common spelling errors. I would rank spelling as very important when someone claims to have a grad degree or a BA in English. It’s not so much about not being able to spell as it is being truthful. I’m pretty convinced though that there are people who think the grad degree education listing means they graduated high school. You would think the same if you saw their profile. It’s sad when they start off the profile saying “I’m smart”, and then spell everything wrong and have complete lack of punctuation.

As I said in the last post, my friend Sally came over last night. We watched a movie and browsed the dating website. She just got out of a brief online dating relationship. I’ll have to see if she’ll give me permission to tell small bits of her story. It’s pretty epic. We encountered some great profiles last night. By great I mean, well, you’ll see…

One guy wanted to show how philanthropic he is. I don’t remember what he listed for his occupation. Oh wait, yes I do… “it’s the shiznit”. Good for you! At least that’s better than “ask me” or “guess”. If someone puts “guess”, I always guess unemployed. His occupation was the least entertaining portion of his profile. My favorite part happened to be that he “wanted to set up an organization for kids born into failure.” What kind of failure would that be? Failure of a shiznit future job? That must be it.

The next two interesting profiles had some rather interesting spelling errors. The first guy had the word “lonly” in his screen name. The same word came up multiple times in his profile. Do you want to know how hard that word is to misspell? My auto spell check tried to change lonly to lonely multiple times over. The next guy wanted to be rather detailed on his first date suggestion by describing the scenery around the location. This location happened to have lighthouses that were litten. This prompted Sally and I to create a small rap of “on the left hand is my mitten, while the lighthouses get litten.” Yeah, we’re lyrical prodigies. I’ll give kudos for trying to create a new word.

I don’t understand why some guys go into complete detail on the first date portion. To be honest, I didn’t even fill it out. It didn’t seem to have a point. As long as it’s in a public place with an opportunity for quick exit in case things go very wrong, I’m happy. This certain guy became very carried away with his profile. There were at least eight paragraphs on his favorite topic, himself. He even updated when he changed jobs. His potential first date had three different options. Don’t worry, he updated this portion too in case the date got rained out. His first date option though was to go to a sandy beach. I’m so happy that Wisconsin happens to have multiple sandy beaches and a wonderful ocean. Per his description, the “water is warm and shallow” (just like himself – as Sally suggested). Another guy described his rather time consuming drinking habits. He actually called himself a drunk. A drunk pollack to be exact. Sally and I instantly thought beer battered fish fry.

Now it’s time for the messages that people send to me. I had a few e-mails sent from a nice Indian guy. He contacted me because he also liked the movie “The Namesake”. I told him Kal Penn is one of my favorite actors. He told me that he’s never heard of anyone who likes Kal Penn, and that “on behalf of the entire Indian community, I thank you.” I thought that was very funny. A history grad student contacted me today. He wrote three paragraphs on how he saw that I was the president of an organization, and that he likes assertive women. Specifically he likes domineering women to be the boss over him. I saved the e-mail. I plan to pull it up on bad days just to get a good laugh.

Update on stunning musician guy – I found the phone number. Success! I called him last night, but he didn’t answer. I left a message, and I’m really hoping he calls me back. Who gives out a phone number and doesn’t call people back? I hope he doesn’t do the whole “three day wait” thing. Especially since I’m way too impatient for my own good, and I don’t quite understand what the point of the three day rule is or who made it up. I’m keeping my fingers crossed on this one!

-SJ

I got my teeth!

This is the post of a severely sleep deprived person. Getting four hours of sleep a night does not allow me to be creative. It just leaves me tired. However, it does allow me more time to read through random people’s profiles and to read the messages I’ve been sent. I would say I get about five to ten new messages a day. That seems about reasonable. The website claims that there are some people (less than .01%) who receive up to 100 messages. It’s kind of a disclaimer in case someone doesn’t respond back to you because clearly they are so overwhelmingly popular. Let us get in line fellow minions! I think it just makes all dating website users feel completely inadequate. Who gets 100 messages a day?

I got in over my head on a recent message. I thought I was being funny and sent this guy a message saying that Duke was infinitely better than UNC. Now he wants to discuss the players, coaches, team histories, and I’ve got nothing. Note to self – don’t bring up sports ever! In the mean time, I lost stunning musician guy’s phone number. Now I have to ask for his number if I see him on-line. Oh complications!

I came across a gold mine of funny profiles during the day. That seems to be when all of the super strange guys go looking for a girl. Hair seemed to be a common theme. I always have a constant struggle with my hair. It’s completely unruly. However, I am not bald which apparently is a big disqualifier for this one guy. He also wants a girl with a full or close to full set of teeth. Another guy states that he wants to date a girl with heavy bangs and a medium high pony tail. That’s not asking for too much is it? Alas, we cannot all be Zooey Deschanel (or be married to the lead singer of Death Cab for Cutie). My favorite of the day is a guy who said “I don’t like girls who are going to fake cry at their best friend’s birthday party for attention, but I want someone immature enough to like talking about the apocalypse.” I can’t make this stuff up people.

While on a dating website, what happens if you see someone you know? Many people would probably not acknowledge the other person being on the website. You didn’t see me, you don’t know me, or something else along those lines. Not me, I send them a message! I have found three people already that I know on this site. I have no intention of dating them, but how can I not send a friendly message?

The first person I found was my former neighbor. He moved away about a month ago in an apparent bad break-up with his live-in girlfriend. He moved out and she moved to California. Yeah, ouch. I know he has chronic health issues, and I wanted to send a message to see how he was doing. I’m pretty sure he thought I was joking in the initial message, but who uses a pick-up line “you used to be my neighbor”? I think he realized after the second message that I wasn’t kidding. The second person was a guy whose name sounded familiar. It turns out that I was in a pageant with his sister when I was little. The third person was the most bizarre. I saw a picture I thought looked familiar. Sure enough, it was my best friend’s older brother. I can now say that not all women in the pictures with the profiled guy are of his ex. My best friend’s brother had a picture with only one girl in his profile, and that girl was me. I now wonder how many other people are unaware that they are in pictures on a dating site.

-SJ