When advice doesn't apply.

Giving advice is an interesting concept to me. There are a lot of dating books out there that attempt to offer advice. If you select two books at random, I can guarantee they will offer conflicting views. I did pick up a great book recently though called “I Don’t Care About Your Band” by Julie Klausner. I liked the quote that said “a musician writing you a song is like a baker making you a cake. Aim higher.” Doesn’t that put things into perspective? However, I have to say that if I write you a song you should definitely feel relatively special. It takes a lot for me to be inspired.

Sally gives a whole new twist to advice. She sent me an article from CNN about on-line dating. It arrived straight to my facebook box in the form of a link. Sending a link is one thing, but there was a message attached. It said that she thought I’d like to read this, don’t be put off by the STD part. I could just write a question mark at this point to express what was going through my mind at the time. I pulled up the article and the headline was about a special on-line dating website for people with a chronic illness. About when to tell your new significant other about your health issues… that happens to be herpes. I was laughing entirely too much. This was the least applicable article ever. I sent her a message back asking at what point was I supposed to look past the STD part. If I ever write a dating book, Sally will write the foreword.

Sally told me she has a wedding to go to coming up soon. She was all excited until she realized she had no date for the wedding. Guess what? I have two weddings coming up this summer. Sally thinks that you can meet single guys at weddings, but from my experience it only occurs in movies. I’ve never taken anyone with me to a wedding. I hate weddings. I really do. You have to understand, I have a very large family and as a result I’ve been to a lot of weddings. Then your cousins start having kids, and a wedding becomes a small village. I like dancing, but eventually there is a bouquet toss which leads to some epic battles. My cousin, Veronica, was cut to the point of bleeding by a desperately vicious single lady with razor sharp claws who wanted that bouquet. There were strobe lights at the same time as the bouquet toss from the last wedding I was at. The last single lady not seizing gets married next! I recently discussed the following with my 23 year old cousin, Veronica (who is probably soon to be engaged – I’d put money on it).

Here are the following curmudgeon threats (in jest) I’ve made if I am to ever get married:
-I’m going to get married in Guam. People will have to pay large amounts of money if they want to attend, and it will generally inconvenience everyone. Does anyone notice the significant increase in destination weddings?
-I’m going to get married on Halloween. I mean, can you even imagine the ridiculousness of that?
-I don’t want to pay to feed all of the people that would inevitably be invited, so there would only be snacks. Oh, no free alcohol either.

In all seriousness I would never wear white because I’m really white, there would be limited people invited, and forget champagne because I want a latte in my hand at the reception. There would be cupcakes. I like cupcakes.

I never called Dino Dude, but I still have yet to tell you all about the social monogamist. I talked to him for a very long time on instant message. It was a two hour conversation. He lives in Chicago, and works at a university. He reminds me of one of my most favorite guy friends from college. I would never date him, but I found him interesting. There is a journal portion to the dating website, and he has it filled with his views on life. Basically social monogamy is that you would be dedicated to one person in every sense but the monogamy part that matters to pretty much most people. That’s at least from what I understand. If you want to know more about social monogamy, Google search it. He also lives his life to make himself happy. If a person was on a date with him and he wasn’t happy at some point during the date, he would end it on the spot. I make a conscious choice to be very happy, but he kind of takes being happy to a more selfish level rather than selfless. I’m not trying to be insulting, because he was perfectly sweet and kind while talking. He said he isn’t as impulsive as he makes it seem. Also, his profile said that he doesn’t pick up on the body language/social cues of dating. He said he wondered what would happen if we met because 1/3 of people fall in love two weeks following with someone else. That’s kind of bittersweet. I hope he finds what he is looking for eventually.

-SJ