Sally and I went out last night. We didn’t want to be out too late. We should’ve had a set plan as to where we were going. We knew certain streets were supposed to be pretty interesting. Sally wore a pink halter dress with silver tights and black heels that were probably about three inches tall. I had on a black and grey mini dress that I bought in LA. I love BCBG. The outfit was completed with purple tights (yes, purple – don’t judge me because I like color) and grey heels.
First problem was that we got lost. I’m not kidding. We were driving around for at least an hour. I’m not an “ask for directions” kind of girl. I just assume I’ll find wherever I’m going eventually. This is probably one of my most annoying habits. Hopefully some guy will find it endearing. The bar people knew we were going out and hid all of the good bars! Lights off guys, they’re on their way! Good girls can’t find the good bars when they actually want to go out. The non-restaurant bars were empty. We asked a bell-hop at a hotel where the best places to go were. We pretended we weren’t from the area. He gave us some suggestions. The first funny moment of the night was when Sally thought she was opening a door to a bar, and it was really a closed hair salon. We went to my favorite Cuban restaurant to have what would turn out to be the only drink of the night.
The place was packed. The door guy from the restaurant took an interest in me, and told people to move from their spots at the bar so we could sit down. He also winked at me. I told Sally it was probably because my dress was so short that with just my jacket, I looked like I literally had only tights on. I got a mojito (with probably half a rum bottle) and Sally got sangria (really light on the orange juice). They were giving everyone complimentary banana chips and guacamole. We asked if they had any tortilla chips, and they didn’t. The bartender asked why we didn’t want banana chips, and I explained I’m allergic to bananas and avocado (kiwi and chestnuts too). He was fascinated by this concept, and asked me to tell him the story of how I became allergic. What? I ate bananas one day and ended up in the hospital when I was 19. Not too exciting. We ordered french fries, and decided after the fact that we should have ordered dessert.
There were these girls sitting next to us that kept complaining about how strong their drinks were. I found it irritating. They were complaining to anyone who would listen. I may or may not have said to Sally “Stupid hoes can’t handle their stupid strong drinks. The bartender was just being nice.”We decided to leave to search for better places. The smartest thing about the Cuban place was that the barstools were weighted down. Sally helped me walk across the street. I walk into walls sober so I wasn’t taking any chances especially with high heels and ice. Sally now calls me a guppy because I am definitely not a fish.
We went back to the hotel because I wanted a cappuccino. We went to the lounge and it was all forty-somethings. This guy who was maybe 30-ish pretended he worked there. He was the most attractive person in the entire place. It was bad enough that it was just Sally and I, since they say going out in threes is better. Well we wanted to find a place to sit down first, and laughed off the flirting attempt on his part. We sat on a couch way to the back far away from cute guy. I badly wanted to lie down just because there was a couch and it seemed like a good idea. I didn’t though. Next thing I know Sally is complaining about her bra being uncomfortable. This is the point of the night where sober Sally takes her bra off in the middle of a hotel bar. I kept mine on. I decided that we needed to go to the table where cute guy was. I felt like taking initiative. Halfway through the bar we discovered there was a girl at the table with the guys. At that point we retreated. We moved forward eventually to sit in the middle of the bar. Sally ordered an entire pie desert. We sat at a table with only two chairs. Cute guy never returned. If you ignore a guy because you want to lie on a couch, he will never come back. Epic fail.
Some time passed, and we went in search of a club. We entered this one club, and it was full of women. Women grouped by the bar. Women dancing in the middle of the room grabbing each other’s butts. We walked straight through and saw no one of interest, and then we left. From there we went to a different hotel because it was where we parked. By the way, the parking lot smelled like bacon. The lounge there turned out to be forty and fifty-somethings listening to jazz music. We took the elevator back down. We then went to what was supposed to be a rock bar. Think a failed attempt at a House of Blues. There were pictures on the walls of Bowie, Hendrix, and Morrison. It could’ve been a cool place. The bouncer was awesome. There was a three dollar cover, and people in front of us were arguing for it to be two dollars less. Two whole dollars? We meandered to the back of the bar where there was a band playing. The most attractive person there was the drummer in the band who apparently could only turn his head one direction. The entire time he played, his head was turned sharp left. It looked painful. We got hit on by a few forty-somethings. This made me question how old I look. I turned to Sally while rubbing my forehead and said “I’m trying to massage out the wrinkles.” The bouncer offered to buy us a drink. I just asked for water. My 24 year old friend, Sally, asked for a kiddie cocktail!
We eventually left to head home. While we walked across the street, a car stopped and asked if we wanted to be involved in an eight-some. No, definitely not. Sally and I then drove back to my house where we loudly sang “Benny and the Jets”. It was the best moment of the night. Next time we decided that we are going out in a different city.
Moving on to on-line guys. Stunning musician guy called me and left the most adorable voice message. I was carrying shopping bags upstairs and didn’t get to the phone in time. I could’ve kicked myself. My life is not awesome sometimes. I called back, but he didn’t answer. Maybe he’ll call again someday. I’m still talking to the two Irish guys and the one Brit. They are rather chatty too. I mean I’m getting quite amazing e-mails. They’re all so artsy. I love it!
-SJ
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